motivation time.

I am entirely addicted to pinterest and a friend of mine just recently got engaged....so of course I am searching pinterest for wedding ideas for this beautiful sophisticated yet country chic wedding... ya i'm just as excited as the bride to be!!! We had a wonderful lunch talking about planning and ideas, and I (of course) shed some tears. I get teary eyed even thinking about my wedding day and knowing she will soon be going through that exact same moment!!! I'm beyond thrilled for her and derek, both super sweet people who will have a beautiful life together. But my point being is I was playing on pinterest and found a neat little motivation pin and ugh I could die when I saw it! Its brilliant!!! let me post a few of my faves....
1. Marry the right person, this will decide 90% of your happiness.
2. Work at something you enjoy and it worthy of your talent and time.
3. Give people more than they expect! I love this I am a ridic overachiever and this fit me perfect!!!
4. Have a grateful heart.  this is something my hubby and I are working on... we need to sit back and see what all we are thankful for
5. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know....... ahhhh i love this!!! I'm so enthusiastic about everything... some find it annoying I find it wonderful!
6. Don't do anything that wouldnt make your momma proud :)
7. Be bold. Be courageous. Be loyal.
                       I just loved this little diddy. I can't belive Christmas is sunday! wowee... I still need to buy for my brother, dad, and sisters boyfriend....geeesh I hate shopping for boys. like for real?!? what do you get them? Devin is easy to buy for, sports stuff, tools, or clothes that I like....haha. But wish me luck on this one, I hope to finish in the next couple days.... ya know bc christmas is in 6 days?
            Btw I'm not going to lie, this is my lazy day and I'm watching drake and josh. who doesn't like nick? :) In my defense it is drake and josh christmas special lol. enjoy your beautiful rainy cold monday.... I will too enjoy mine.
Destiny

The good wife.

I have been working 12s here lately and it is amazing! Serisouly its not much fun working half the day for 3 days but that means i get four days off!!! And while Devin is at work I have been loving being able to cook, clean, shop, paint my nails... haha for real how nice is it to just know you have all day to do things you want!? And I've been loving being able to cook a yummy dinner in my new beautiful kitchen for the hubby :) i'm sure a few years from now I will look back and be like omg what was I thinking.... but for now I love it!!! Tonight I'm making poor man's steak mmmm.... and oh so easy!!! hamburger patties, veggies, throw in pan and cook. Hooray for me being able to drink a couple glasses of wine while waiting for dinner to cook!
      Another wonderful thing is that Fall semester is over!! I finished with 1 point under and A.... go figure, but its over!!! I still really need to decide what i want to do when I grow up.... I basically want to be a mom, wife, and crafter..... but this thing called bills has me also working as a nurse lol. Which I also love but it takes a lot of time away from my family, and I know when we have kids I will hhaaaatteee it :(  Speaking of babies!!!!!..... some friends of ours came over with their cutie pattotie 1 1/2 year old who devin and i both adore!!! she opened her christmas gift from us and we just play and love on her everytime we see her...... seeing Devin playing with a baby :D swoon! And she had on this super cute pink fleece nike sweater....ahhh I don't know if I want it for my kids one day or to stretch out for myself :) hehe.
         Thus far Christmas tree is up, lights are up outside, gifts are wrapped and christmas is around the corner. I'm so excited to give Devin his gifts this year..... which I will blog about someother time.
          Right now I am addicted and loving pinterest. wow is all I can say, I need to learn to link up and all that computer jargin! until next time
stay classy, des

Happy Holidays from The Dannells!

The last day of classes for fall

My best friend and I baking Christmas cookies!

Devin's fire department christmas party.... fun had by all.

Happy Holidays!!

Our first thanksgiving as Mr and Mrs :)

My brother is always doing stupid thigs with me :)

Our first tree in our new home and my goofy niece

I can't believe Thanksgiving has come and gone already!! I hope everyone's was as fantastic as mine, anytime my family is all together I feel so blessed!!! Sooo.... now its onto Christmas!!! Christmas use to not be my favorite holiday but I'm pretty sure now that I'm married and have a little family of my own it is now one of my top faves! I have my own beautiful house to decorate...( which btw I wish I had an unlimited fund saved up for this matter) But thus far my christmas decor is minimal...but after the holidays when things are on sale ITS ON!!  Today some friends and I went on a Christmas tour which goes around to beautiful houses in clay county and we go through and look at all their christmas decorations......guh it was amazing!! We also made a pitstop and bought some mighty fine aprons to wear when we cook christmas cookies this friday :) pictures to come!!!
On a side note the hubby (hehe still so weird saying) had his wisdom teeth removed last friday :(  My poor baby... but I can't pass up an opportunity to spoil my husband to pieces :D So of course I've been making homemade soup and lots of mashed potatoes.... I say I've rather enjoyed us lounging in pjs all day watching christmas movies and eating pureed food :) haha my guilty pleasure lol.
Until next time....which hopefully is soon
Des!

Memories of my wedding day.

Here I am a married woman for a month now!! And I want to remember everything about that day so I will try to start from the night before...... we ran through rehearsal out at the ceremony site, we ran through it about 3 times and everything worked out perfect....in the back of my mind something will not go right.... but as of right now everyone walked when they should to the song they should. My dad even started crying as we were practicing walking down the aisle (put a knot in my stomach about the real thing) . Then my parents and family had a big bbq ready for us when we got back. All decorated up with fall centerpieces in all..... I guess they wanted to dress up a simpl bbq a little more haha, but dev and I wanted a cookout and a cookout is what we got. We had lots of family and friends there and the food was good. Here are a couple pictures from rehearsal dinner. Oh and the guys got their gifts that night too and It didn't take long for those flasks to be full lol.






My mom and grandma at rehearsal dinner



 

That night I went back to the house by myself, my mom and sisters offered to stay with me but I really just wanted to be alone and think.... not bad things all good I promise :) Devin came in about 11pm and packed up for the next couple days, we chatted for a minute. Of course he wouldn't admit he was nervous!!! I knew I was!!! couldn't sleep if my life depended on it. So I stayed up until about 1am writing my "wedding letter" to my husband to be....... The next morning I woke and it was was unreal.... noway could this be my wedding day! A year, month, week, and even days prior I just couldn't believe I was actually getting married. I always wondered how I'ld feel. If I'ld be nervous. What will I look like. What would he look like. What kind of day it would be. I just felt like it would never actually get here. I packed everything up that I would need for the day, along with my 31 purse that says "Mrs Dannells" lol. And the attire I wore to get all beautified in you ask? a cardinals jersey (a playoff game was that night) black pajama capris and a pair of ugg boots (it was sooo cold that morning!!)  Me, my mom, and sister headed to Stella's.... Alisha was up first and looked amazing after Stella finished... adorned with the hairpiece I handmade all my girls. Then my mom hopped in the chair and ended up looking glamorous (made me cry) waterworks number 1 of the day. Now my turn. I had no idea what I wanted done I just let Stella work her magic.... and magic it was, I couldn't believe how beautiful my hair and makeup looked.... and of course as she added my veil my mom and sister started crying and so came waterworks numeral dos.... (we will loose count soon) Some of the bridesmaids came by to say hi then head out to the ceremony site.  Devin's brother Kyle showed up to deliver the letter from Devin that he had written the night before.... we were to read them right before the ceremony. In place of writing our own vows this is what we did. The envelope said "To My Bride" then it actually hit me. I think secretly he knew those three words would make it all sink in.

"To My Bride"

It was 11 am, and 3 hours until the ceremony was suppose to start. We were all at Tiffany's house.... girls getting ready everywhere.... makeup, bras, dresses, and cameras everywhere. All I knew is that I was hungry and nervous and those 2 things mixed are not good.... My mom bought sandwiches from the bakery and I ate a TON!!!  After I stuffed my face :) it was touchup on makeup and get into dress time. Something funny was that I got into the underwear of the dress and everyone thought it was my wedding dress. LOL I guess it could have been... woulda been a heck of a lot cheaper!!! I kept peeking out the window to see the ceremony site because I didn't even get to see everything finished. I had a plan in my mind and just hoped I had explained it well to Chelsea, jessica, erica, and stevi..... and apparently they got it loud and clear because it was beautiful!!! It was also a beautiful day too.... just perfect!!! slight breeze with the sun shining. I could not have asked for a more perfect day.

Now it was time to slide into my dress... slide was not the word... lol between my hair makeup and veil it was more like a mission.  But we got it! OMG I can't describe the feeling of being in your wedding gown right before you walk out to meet your husband, I felt beautiful!! And everyone told me that the day flies by and that they don't remember anything about their day, so I knew I would embrace this day and remember every detail about it.... and thats what I did. I remember everyone around me tears in their eyes, cameras, and smiles.

     Now it was time to get some pictures with the bridesmaids before the guys show up for their pictures!!! lol oh what fun this was!!! for some reason the bugs loved the poof stuff of my dress because it was the place to be. I had every bug imaginable trapped in the layers of my dress, so I was spinning and jumping trying to get them out..... it was a sight to see. I walked around for a bit and soaked it all in, the amazing day, the ceremony site, the haybales surrounding a fire with smoores and apple cider, the yellow lanterns hanging from the trees, the shepards hooks holding mason jars that Devin, stevi, and I stuffed handpicked wildflower in a couple days prior.
After a few poses we decided to try a jumping picture.... a jumping picture is a cute idea but not a good idea for the bride lol. I jump. I land on my dress. theres now a huge grass stain on my dress.... before the wedding.... :) oh well nothing could ruin my day obviously. Then the guys showed up so we had to all sneak back into the house while they got pictures taken.  I kept trying to sneak a peak at Devin... I had to see him.... but of course everyone stopped me :) So we all anxiously waited for 2:00. Family members stopped in to see me before the ceremony... which is not a good idea because here came the tears again.  I saw that the guests were starting to fill the seats.... yay!!
 Devin was outside reading his letter because Tiffany was peeking out the window giving me the play by play haha.... "hes rocking back and forth on his heels, he looks like hes trying not to cry, hes laughing" haha thanks tiff. Now its time to read mine..... something I will forever cherish. My sisters and the bridesmaids wanted to read it after I did, I let Tiffany read it out loud... I didn't care, they know how we feel about eachother its no secret obviously :) And they cried...ugh enough of this crying lol
Now it is like 10 minutes before the ceremony and my Dad was here, he has not seen the dress, I wanted it to be a surprise for him as well as Devin.  I have never seen my dad so happy. He spun me around smiling and crying.... it was perfect. I love my Daddy.
Time to line everyone up. Nathan still has his flipcam up, videotaping random wedding stuff :) I was like "wow this is going incredibly perfect and smooth" first song actually started at 2:00 right on time. I later found out my grandma and grandpa didn't line up to be sat but they just sat themselves. lol oh well.
As Macey is walking out supposed to be throwing her flower pedals.... "supposed" the key word. She would barely walk as she was covering her face, as abra pushed her down the aisle throwing the pedals out.haha..... I was thinking "dang mace your going to take up the whole song and dad and I will walk out to silence :) not so...
Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you
And you're beautiful
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
                    Now it was me and my daddy's turn to walk down the aisle. :) I can't even go into the emotions I was feeling walking down the aisle. I didn't see anyone except Devin at the end of the aisle. My dad was crying, I was crying.... half the girls were crying... and I'm sure there were others lol.
Vows, lighting of candles, warming of rings, ring exchange, kiss, clap.... you know, the usual.
       Yay we are married!!!! We walked around and talked to people for a while, got a glass of apple cider, which sadly ran out way too fast. We loaded up in the white transam decorated with streamers and balloons lol, as we were driving down the road balloons were flying out everywhere!!! haha!!! Of course we had to stop and get a bigg swigg at hucks before we continues with pictures at the depot! After lots of pictures we headed to the reception site. It was nice to have 45 minutes of calmness with Devin, we actually got to talk and reflect on our beautiful ceremony........ and that we finally get to wear our rings!!!!! All I know is that I did not think I could be any happier than I was at that moment, driving to Effingham, windows down, holding hands with my husband... who I might add looked stunning in his brown tux.

The wildflowers we picked turned out to be the perfect touch

Some of the bridesmaids getting ready before the ceremony

At the reception eating our yummy dinner!!

The groomsmen dressed up as the village people for the YMCA!!!

After the reception right before we slid into pajamas and ordered pizza :)

My husband driving the TA to the reception :)

    

on taking the name of mrs. dannells

magazine worthy ehh?

My oh so wanted "dip kiss". So the past month has been chaotic to say the least.... but so so beautiful. I married the man of my dreams on october 1st. The ceremony was perfect and planned to the T and completely dev and I, including ceremony ending with smoores and apple cider :) I will blog later about what particulars I remember from the day that we don't want to forget, but for now I'm just doing a little update on how wonderful it feels to be married. I always thought "nah nothing will feel different we have been together for nearly 5 years" was I wrong. It feels so so different, what I do I do for us, not a moment goes by that I don't think of Devin and what any decision I make will impact us. We are not devin and destiny anymore... we are a team, and a very supportive team at that. Nothing made that anymore apparent than with the recent decision we made. I currently work at a hospital about 45 minutes from home.... its a long drive and a scary road. I feel like I don't have time for us working 5 nights a week and class one night a week. I applied and interviewed at a local hospital in which I will have a 5 minute drive to work and have 4 days off a week.... tempting. But devin was my biggest cheerleader, for a lot of people this seems like a ridiculous decision, but for us it seems right. I can spend more time on finishing school in hopes of starting my masters by 2015, I will be closer to home for when we do decide to start a family. It meant a lot to me that devin just held me and said that we will make it work....I think thats all I needed to hear. So this will be mylast week at St. Anthonys.... and if I eventually regreat it, I suppose it will be a bigger incentive to continue with school. I'm looking forward to what may come in the next year, noone gets anywhere without taking chances. And I know devin will be beside me the whole way and that makes me feel like I can face anything.
So so excited about turning a new page.
Destiny Dannells

on househunting

just don't do it... haha ok ok just kidding. but really do your homework. OMGoodness there is so much involved.... Dev and I were all like ok well we want a house, we know where we want to stay and we know we want a family soon....so bring on the houses.... we looked, we loved, we swooned, we hated, we wished..... first off.... don't fall in love with one of the first ones you find *yay go us, we so did this* we were looking at how perfect this house was for US.... not how perfect it would be for OUR family we will have oneday (come on surely the kid can sleep on the couch?) haha. After putting a lot more thought into it in the next few weeks, we came up with a "must" have list and this is a replica of that list
~big living room
~dining room... that I can so totally paint red and have a cute cute old hutch and 6 seating table with a bench seat preferably. I don't ask for much :)
~3 bedrooms. one must be a large master with large closets... i am so over sharing a small closet with this wonderful man, 2 closets i believe make for a happy marriage. and of course one for guests and one as a drum and craftroom... that is until one day we decide to give up that glorious room to a baby... ehh we'll see. haa
~2 bathrooms. i mean really this is a must. noway am I ever again dancing outside the bathroom begging devin to hurry up. again. key number 2 to a very very successful marriage in my eyes. 2 bathrooms, one for me to shower and get ready in and one for him to shave and have facial hair all over the place?
~yard yard yard. I don't know about anyone else but growing up I lived outside, i would if i could have. I want a yard big enough for my dogs to run and play and for my (future) hubby to run and play lol.... i want a tire swing. i want a firepit. i want a patio. we don't always get what we want but a yard is a good start.
~garage..... music to my ears. because god forbid if that boat sits out through one more rainstorm :)  and we also need a place to store our one toolbox haha.... hey tools come with time, one day we will be proud owners of enough tools for any project... maybe
~utility room. yes i like to throw my clothes into the laundry room and not have to see them. its the one place that I believe is allowd to be "messy"
~kitchen last but not least. i crave a dishwasher. growing up I was considered the dishwasher, I have mixed feelings on it, I don't mind doing dishes most of the time.... but when i don't want to cook because I don't want to do the dished... thats when we have a problem lol :) I need roooom, I want to cook I really really do. and maybe one day when I get out of this 1x1 counter space of a kitchen I will cook because I'll have room too.  also I really feel that having a paula dean pot and pan set (preferably in blue) that I will cook a lot :)
    those are my few things that definately stand out in my mind!! oh ya and good plumbing and electric would be nice too :) haha.
....Also I learned that sq. footage is very important... who knew? haha. also look at age of the roof, windows, appliances, upgrades, does if have a basement of crawspace? is it on a concrete slab? how much are taxes? what do the utilities run.. average and highest? is it something you can grow into? how old is hot water heater, central heat and air? I know theres much much more but like I said we are newbies at this whole dropping a few grand on a home haha.
One of the most important things is to sit on their couch. yeah whoever owns the house will never know. but sit down look around lay back. does this feel like a place that could be home? This is just my experience thus far. and remember when one door closes another opens up. and its so much fun house shopping with someone your spending the rest of your life with because its like you picture your future self growing in this house with your family :) oh yeah and the house must have a peaked roof because its so much more entertaining watching Devin hang the christmas lights that way :D
~wish us luck and we continue on this adventure!!

where did this summer go?!

So I failed with all my plans this summer lol. I feel like I accomplished a lot with wedding stuff, organizing bills, a good start on the house, and my bsn plan laid out..... but I didn't seem to find much time for myself, oh well guess thats how it goes. Since the last time I blogged I feel a lot more comfortable on my job, like I can actually call a doctor and not start sweating at the thought haha, and I love all the girls I work with, I guess you have to because basically working with them 5 days a week 2:45pm til sometimes 1 in the morning they are the ones you eat dinner with, talk, and vent to haha. But yes I love my job as a nurse, my day flies by and I love learning new things...... I'm still working 2 jobs, this will probably continue until after Christmas time, which I don't mind. Keeping busy providing for ourselves :) 39 days until we say "I do"whoa..... That's a whole other blog lol.
With the wedding coming up I've been thinking a lot about all the UNreassuring relationships that we are surrounded with. I'm going into this knowing that we will be with eachother forever.... but so has everyone else around us, but I wish we had a little more support and encouraging words on marriage instead of the usual mistake quotas. Its a little depressing and I haven't had many people to talk to about it because I'm ussually not the debbie downer who wants to talk about this stuff on a fun lunch date with a friend lol. But I guess its something I need to realize that we are in charge of our marriage and how it turns out....noone but us.  Ok i'm heading to work early I have some IV therapy training wow sounds fun right haha. I will try to blog more often.... and I'm sure the next blog will be about my first class into my bachelors program.... {the wonderful world of} pathophysiology.... wonderful :)

our first big grownup decision.

So many people have already heard, or {overheard}due to living in a small town. Devin and I started the house hunting process a few weeks ago.... how stressful. After looking at 5 completely different houses we were left unfortunately NOT in love with any. Either too small of a yard, too small of bedrooms, didn't feel like home, didn't have at least 3 bedrooms.... and the biggie closet space! Everyone knows that the closet devin and I share is 3/4 mine and 1/4 his.... sad but true, so I need organization and shoe space in a closet of my own.... and at least a good closet in one of the bedrooms because future baby dannells will have a decent closet full of clothes :) But we went to the bank and just requested loan information and had everything sent off for approval.... basically we were diappointed with the houses and decided house hunting was over. But we had a friend call us and say they are selling their house soon and haven't listed it yet! well we decided to look at it... we definately did not go in with an open mind because we kind of were let down already. {but} we went and looked at it.... thoughts going through our minds as we pull up
~ wow super cute yard.... big yard.....perfect tree for a tire swing :)..... cute porch for a swing {can you say sweet tea on the swin on a fall evening?}..... red door.... entry closet for shoes and coats....big living room....big custom windows....dining room....stainless steel appliance big kitchen..... back patio....utility room++++..... 3 big bedrooms....and get this 3 BIG closets!!!! yay!!! needless to say we were both {how should I put it? SMITTEN?!} oh my goodness we want it its our we can't live anywhere else.... so then we waited and waited for our loan approval, yay we got approved. So the process has just began we still need to go through the paperwork, appraisal, loan aggreement. (whoa who knew this much went into it) :) and thank god for my sister in law who everyday texts me and is so encouraging through this whole process and encouraging us that theres a reason we fell in love with this house and just reassuring me that we are not making a mistake. which I desperately needed. I can just see us raising our kids here in this beautiful perfect house with this cute neighborhood.... nothing has ever made me smile so much {besides my handsome fiance} So as of right now we are just waiting!!! Keep your fingers crossed and say a small prayer for us that we end up with our dream home!! And if it does happen we will have a very empty home for a while but great things come with time and hopefully great gifts come with our wedding haha!!! Hopefully I'll have more news the end of this week!!!!!
xoxox..... (possible) future homeowner, des

still lost as ever!?

So I have officially been signing my name with an RN behind it for a month now. wowwzers! I know its going to take me a while to feel comfortable with my job.... but I feel as if it will take me years.....and years. I do feel comfortable with my pt interaction and assessments. And I've done a million pushes so I've got that down finally. I set up the IV pump by myself for the first time last night!!! yay! another small accomplishment haha. Ya basically unless your in the healthcare fielt this post will officially be boring to you! :) But setting up and IV pump is a big deal, hah I use to be scared of IV pumps. I know 10 years from now I will look back at this and laugh probably literally out loud! Everything is so new and exciting to me! One think I will probably never get use to nor like? {talking to doctors} why? its not like their god! haha but for real when they call me or come up to me and ask me a question my mind goes blank..... ughh blha ughh grrr hmmm..... for real every dr. has got to think I have mental problems. Which is so weird because every dr. I have met has been super nice and friendly.... and you can tell they appreciate their nurses.... maybe in a few years i'll be able to talk to a dr without breaking a sweat. (until then..... "Destiny what was patient so and so labs from this am?" unmmmm ughhh hmmmm that will be my answer haha!!!)
              I've been officially hating not getting home til so late. leaving work at 12 and getting home about 1ish.... devin tries to stay awake and wait for me but ussually he falls asleep on the couch lol. But the good thing? I get paid more working evening whhooop whooop. $ definately is not everything but its very important right now paying off bills, student loans, saving for wedding, saving for house...... sadly enough its a huge part of our life right now. I also get every other weekend off so I'm hoping Devin and I can get some fun trip in this summer/fall {a few ideas on our list are} of course a couple cardinals games and spending the days in St. Louis.... we love the city so much, I could just walk around all day, its so fascinating to me!!! We would like to do a weekend camping trip this fall when it cools off a bit, maybe nashville for a weekend, holiday world, and fishing trips. More than likely if we go to nashville it will be with the brother and sister in law haha and thats if I can drag devin's butt out to listen to country music all night :) But whatever we do I'm super excited and who knows maybe as the weekend approaches we'll just want to chill on the couch, cookout, and swim all weekend that's ussually how we roll :) But thats my random thoughts for the day!
    BTW 72 days until the wedding....... seems unreal

shiftwork

So I basically haven't had time to do anything other than the "things" that need done on a daily basis. And I realized that I really missed my blog :) I've been so lame falling asleep on the couch at 9 then devin waking me up to go to bed at 11... waking up at 5 for work.... driving 45 minutes to work.....working until 1530.... driving home....doing the homey things (dishes laundry dinner relax on the couch with my boo) ugh thats exhausting to even think about doing it again tomorrow... oh well ready or not {i'm officially a grownup} ugh when did this happen. And less than 3 months from now I'll be married {hopefully} a year from now we'll be considering starting a family....WHOA SLOW DOWN! can I be 17 again?! yeah didn't think so.
        On the bright side of things, I absolutely love my job. The day honestly flies by, I'm constantly busy.... and I {unlike most} love to stay busy. Don't get me wrong when it comes time for my lunch break I'm realieved bc I'm exhausted but then the afternoon goes just as fast! yay! And..... I PUT IN MY FIRST IV THIS WEEK! you don't understand unless your a nurse..... it was amazing. I was so proud of myself!!! I have learned so much the past 2 weeks it makes me wonder what in the world I learned in school?! lol it sure felt like a lot then but no I am definately in information overload. And my favorite thing I've done thus far? IV pushes of course!! I'm such a new nurse nerd! I'm gonna look back on this 10 years from now and laugh.... actually hopefully 10 years from now I still LOVE IV pushes!! :) I hope that nothing I'm learning now ever gets to feeling {old} even though I know it probably will. The new feeling never lasts.... but everyday is so exciting and new, and thats what nursing is about so hopefully it keeps me interested for years to come!
         On the wedding ordeal.... bridal shower is set, bachelorette party is set, bouqets are done, centerpieces done, guestbook done, banner pennets done, cake ordered, dj paid, videographer booked, photographer booked, rings ordered and sized.....etc.... wow I'm glad i gave myself a year and a half to do this!!! I know I'm going to miss it when its over but for the time being all that is on my mine is {elope} haha!!!
          Well I will most definately blog about my wonderful day tomorrow but for now its almost my bedtime I am physically and mentally exhausted... and I love it!
      So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
    Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu~~~ bid you farewell with a little sound of music.

feeling a bit overwhelmed

Hi I'm Destiny and I feel like I'm in over my head. First off today was my official day as an RN on the floor.... let me tell you the thought has crossed my mind many times today "what the hell did I get myself into?!?" I've never felt so lost in my entire life. I think i even made the comment "I wish I could fastforward a year from now" but I really dont, time goes to fast anyhow. But today was constant, orders, meds, dr calls, assessments, discharges.... but really what did I expect? To sit behind a desk and answer calls? No, I definately signed up for this chaotic, busy, wonderfully rewarding job. I know a year from now I will be laughing because I know I'm going to love it.... but right now I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. And another thing... I spend 5 minutes trying to decipher a doctors orders and signature.... for real thats a bit ridic. But honestly walking into the hospital with my scrubs, stethoscope, and RN badge I felt pretty proud of myself. I hope I become the nurse I want to and leave an impression on anyone I come in contact with.
~~~ Another few things adding to this chaotic year? I'm 'attempting' to finish my BSN. So I get 2 nights off a week and one of those nights I will spend 6 hours in a classroom to get credits towards my bachelors degree in which I have no idea what I will do with.... But hi I'm Destiny and I don't know when and where to stop? I love learning and I feel that I'm not done learning... I just hope all this education puts me exactly where I am suppose to be.
~~~~chaos # 3.... I'm getting married in october one of my best friends is getting married 2 weeks after me... that means twice the bridal showers, twice the bachelorette parties, and twice the worry..... enough said
~~~~# 4 We went and looked at the first of I'm sure MANY houses today. So we came home looked more up, figured up our finances, what we can afford, yet still looking at what we can't afford.... terrific. The house we looked at today was absolutely adorable.... and smelt absolutely awful! This couple had dogs.... dogs peed on hardwood floor, water soaked through hardwood floor, soaked onto padding under flooring... you guessed it.... smelt like wet dog. But with a little TLC it would be super wonderful and yummy smelling.... BUT I'm worried I won't have the TLC to give for the next couple years and we would get wet smelling dog smell soaked in our pores.  Heres a small glimpse of my mind tonight. I'm going to gorge on brownies now before heading to bed because I have to be up at 5 to play RN again.
Hi my names destiny.... I need meds

curly fries and heart attack

Happy 4th of July!!! My glorious day started off  with watching my beautiful niece in the all american boy girl contest. She didn't win because she doesnt like to talk much to the judges (she gets that from aunt d) no worries, mace,y in a short decade you'll talk too, much people will wish you'ld shutit :) one of my fabulous traits! But after the contest I went home to curl up on the couch with Devin for a fantastic monday nap.... ahhh these are the days we will miss when we one day have children!!! (thats a different blog)
I'm at work now until 7 then off to the park for Flora's fireworks.... its not as spectacular as I make it sound but hey its my hometown fireworks. Last night we went to rend lake for their fireworks with my momma and sister, then found out they were cancelled. So we drove another hour in opposite direction for another firework display. It was well worth the 3.62$ gallon gas we 'wasted'. I loved watching the fireworks with devin and my mom... it reminds me of watching them when I was little.
~~~ We use to grill hot dogs and wrap them up and take them to the park with us (because my parents couldn't afford to buy 2 hot dogs each for 4 kids) completely understandable. We would pick the perfect spot {no trees above up and flat ground} and we would eat hot dogs and light sparklers until dusk.... [perfect memories] Those are the memories that I will never forget. We would finaly get so full from hot dogs and freshly cut watermelon and lay on the blankets until the fireworks started <3 ~~~~
My plan for 4th of july 2011 is a little different, I will be spending some QT time with the bff stevi, we gotta chow down on some 'cowboy fries' these are homemade curly fires covered in cheese, italian beef, and jalepeno peppers mmm I'l let ya know how they are. I'm 100% sure they'll be fabulous!  Then we will find my brother, abra, and his little girl macey and enjoy the fireworks laying on our blankets. At least some things never change.
Happy 4th of July!! Enjoy your family and friends because no 4th will ever be the same.

here comes the storm.

Right now as I 'type' I'm sitting at home by myself staring out the window at the storm rolling in [possibly] ruining fireworks tonight...but thats beside the point. Umm I don't know about anyone else but some couple fight... like a lot... like more than I could put energy into. Devin and I do no fight. really never have. hopefully never actually will. Seriously I've wondered "is this normal" like I've always seen everyone fight. my couple friends. my parents. couples on TV. Is it normal that when we don't agree we just agree to disagree and we're over it? Like for instance.... our 'big blowup' for the day was this....and the story goes......
~~~~ Last night we went and met some friends for pizza at a place we've never eaten before.... OMG the pizza was amazing {joes pizza} and all I talked about last night was how good the pizza was and YES we have half leftover to eat 'tomorrow' for lunch. And anyone who knows me k nows I L.O.V.E. pizza <3 So unsurprisingly it was on my mind all morning... laying in the pool thinkin man when I get out I'm gonna have some of that pizza for lunch.... I seriously like couldn't wait.... (does that mean I have a problem) lol
~~~~So I come home change and mentally prepare myself for this amazing chicago pizza, so I run in the living room and ask dev if he wants me to warm up a couple pieces for him {super sweet of me huh?} The look he shot me made me instantly know..... GRRRR  
Devin: "hah sweet of ya but I finished the pizza already"
Me: "you what??!?!?" mean face "dude you couldn't have asked me if I wanted any at all YOU just finish all the pizza YOURSELF?!?" I didn't tell him I had been thinking of that damn pizza all day!
So I go in the kitchen decide I'll made a lean pocket (pizza flavored)
~~~{none left}  BUT allll of devins hot pockets are left (side note: I buy devin hot pockets and myself lean pockets... lower cals lower carbs you know the game... BUT for some reason he prefers to grab my lean pockets instead of his carb loaded hot pockets) so totally makes sense right.... that all my lean pockets are gone.
~~ I was fuming. Basically Devin left because he didn't see why I was so angry about the situation. I sit and cry because its stupid... seriously I was going to eat this chicago pizza full of fat and carbs but when that was gone I wanted a lean pocket? duh! (do you see the sense in that) ya me either....
~~~~ All in all if thats the worst fight we have I'll take it~~~~
 So right now I'm eating HIS BBQ chicken hot pocket watching the storm waiting for Devin to come home.... lesson learned: next time we have leftover pizza.... I'm hiding my share.

the evidence:empty box

PS. Dev just text me and said he was sorry for eating all the pizza and my lean pockets and not refurnishing the supply... I love him.

And that my friends was the worst fight of the century.... lol

so imperfect, yet so beautiful

I'm just going to assume everybody reading this isn't a damn size2.... I don't know about anyone else but going from high school short shorts and low cut jeans to age 22 jeans and wanting to pull them up a little higher (ya know so that you can hide a little more buldge that way RIGHT?!)  I went from playing in a full spandex uniform in high school to swearing I would never even lay my hands on anything spandex... seriously you can't hide anything in spandex.... every roll, every dimple, every scar shows... who invented spandex? he had probably already been killed.
It makes me sick watching TV... because don't lie, you like me compare yourself to EVERYONE....
~hmmm I wonder if my legs look that awful in shorts?
~ damn do my boobs show that much cleavage in a low cut shirt?
~ ugh do I look like that in my skinny jeans?
yes yes yes. man I swore I would never wear skinny jeans... now their my favorite! like I tell people I have the perfect hourglass shape.... except I have a little more sand in the bottom of my hourglass :)
Everyone is self concious, I use to never ever mention it. But after talking to friends, coworkers, family.... I'm not the only one. Wouldn't it be nice to just put something on and just feel like you look sexy? Ya maybe if I got dressed drunk.
I honestly believe our society has given the female body a bad image. I love seeing a woman whos a size 12 and is absolutely beautiful. I believe a woman should have soft curves.... not flat ripped abs... not defined arms....not huge defined legs.  And since society has given way to how a woman's body should look like, it seems almost unrealistic to be "beautiful".  I just pray that if I ever end up with a teenage girl I can make sure she knows shes beautiful, and that it is very important to eat healthy and to be active and exercise but that always doesn't show on the outside. I know when I wake up in my morning I'm going to have thighs that touch, a stomach that doesn't feel like a brick, and a chin that might look like a double chin when I laugh really hard with my girlfriends.
Drives me crazy when I'm at the gym working my ass off and I look over at a skinny little girl who might make it to the gym once a week to do her 'god awful' workout of walking 5 minutes and doing crunches! for real?!?! sometimes i want to go over and crank their treadmill up to about 15... there now your working your ass off how does it feel? oh no did you sweat!!! you poor thing! you might actually have to shower after leaving the gym.... haha
Shopping and I have a love/hate relationship. I love finding clothes that fit and look too darn cute to pass up. But I HATE when I grab the size I ussually wear, take it into the dressing room, then can't get it over my shoulder, boobs, hips, etc.... WHAT?! shouldn't sizes be universal to prevent mini breakdowns in dressing rooms worldwide?!? that incidence right there ussually ruins a shopping trip... thats why now I've started grabbing bigger sizes...yeah thats right I grab at least 2 sizes bigger than what I think I am then I feel good when I put it on and its huge YAY (pretty pathetic huh?) lol but it really sucks when that size too big acctually turns out being the perfect size...perfect......
But at the end of the day.... Devin will love me no matter what. I could gain 20 lbs, loose 20 lbs, and he will still find me incredibly beautiful just like he always has. And they say guys are dumb?! :)

There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Who would be at my funeral? How would I be remembered? I have thought about this a lot the past few days. We lost a great man here in clay county.... he was someone who didn't judge, didn't criticize, didn't look at your last name to see if he could be friends with you. He was genuinely a nice guy. He was there for us all spiritually and friendly on many occassions. At his visitation people were waiting hours in line just to pay respect.  Isn't that something we all strive for? We all want good friends, we want people to think highly of us, we want people to miss us when we are gone. Basically we want someone to cry at our funeral?  Of course you aren't being a good person in hindsight of "hey I bet they'll be sad when I die" but really put it into perspective. What impression will you leave on people you have met throughout your life? Will they think wow she was such a great person, always willing to help anyone, someone who always had a smile which put a smile on someone else's face and heart? I strive for that everyday... unconciously I suppose. I don't want people thinking awful things I may or may not have done when my name crosses their minds. I want people to remember my smile, my thoughfulness, my humor, my intelligence. Don't you? I love the feeling of walking down the street and simply smiling at someone.... it does wonders for both people.  People won't remember what you did, why you did it.... they will remember how you made them feel.  I'm not saying I have never done anything in which someone has questions my intentions I have, so have you. Being a good person also means discovering yourself and your role in the world.... everyone has a role in the world. I loved while going through clinical rotations at least once a day I was told how amazing my smile and humor was and that it makes a world of difference..... thanks thats what I was going for.  Maybe I wasn't put here to be the perfect daughter, wife, sister, friend.... but whatever it is I'm sure I'll figure it out, maybe I won't. But I know one thing, I know that at my funeral people will remember me for something.... hopefully its good :) 
                         
ps my title is from my favorite song... pretty smart guys <3

Destiny Blake, Rn

Wow, I haven't blogged  in a long time!! I promise this will be at least a weekly occurance in my life from here on out!!! Thats right I am now an RN!! (the reason for the small break) Let me take you back a few weeks ago! Graduation had come and go, I had a job waiting for me, I was a nervous wreck. I still hadn't recieved my ATT (authorization to test) what the heck is going on I thought?! Finally after waiting a month I got ahold of someone who spoke english and come to find out... terrific I was missing fingerprints. Long story short I sent all my missing paperwork off and received my att by the end of the week. I scheduled my boards on fathers day in evansville, I can't even explain how nervous I was. Weird because I actually have so much confidence in my nursing education. I couldn't focus on anything else for the 2 weeks before boards....I mean this is my life, pass or fail, I will have to change my life for the next few months. I could have lost my job if I failed. So everyday for about 6 hours a day I sat. and I studied. ridiculously studied. I have never wanted anything so bad in my life. That morning I woke up and I can't even pinpoint one thought that was going through my head because I had a million!!! a feeling I have never in my life felt. I guess I have just never wanted anything SO bad in my life!! is this how I will feel my wedding day?! if so I need a xanax!! Anyway A.D.D..... but as I was taking the test I KNEW my computer just had to shut off at the minimum amount of questions (thats a good thing in nursing world.... less questions you take means the better your doing) and it did! But still had to wait 48 hours for my results.... I really had not been so sure about anything in my life but I knew I passed that test, I worked so hard, theres noway I CANT pass!! cocky much? lol no but really I worked too hard the past few years not to pass. And I did.... I can now put RN behind my name... was it worth it? stay tuned I start full time next week on surgical care.........ready or not I'm a grownup

Aunt Deb

A few days ago I found out that my beautiful aunt Deb was found dead at home.... I am a little devastated. I'm mostly upset because I wish I would have known the last time I spoke with her would have been a couple months ago,  I would have told her how much I love her and how much I look up to her. I just rememeber her coming to visit every year when I was younger, and every time she left I cried. Then I hadn't seen her for quite a while and she surprised me at my high school graduation, it was perfect. She met Devin and said that if we got married she would for sure be there, well Oct 1 is not far off but my aunt will not be there. I wasn't able to go and just see her one last time or talk to her one last time, last night I just cried and acted 6 again, I slept with my teddy bear from her all night.... and cried all night. It doesn't seem like it really happened. Rest in Peace Aunt Deb, you were always so sweet to me, even thought I couldn't see or talk to you everyday, I knew you cared and loved me, and I still have all the letters we have written back and forth throughout the years. I pray right now you are at peace and in no pain. Until we meet again, I love you. XOXO

And then comes the change

So right now at this very moment I was suppose to be interviewing for a volleyball coaching position. But yesterday I received a call from St. Anthony's hospital requesting an interview for 2nd shift surgical care as a nurse..... ugh this sucks. Why can't i do both, but I know I can't no matter how hard I try, someone would suffer, not necessarily me, but probably the girls on the volleyball team, I turned down the position because I feel thats something I can't devote myself to 100%. And if I can't do it 100% why waste your time on it. So I'm sitting here thinking how awesome it would have been to put coach in front of my name, but obviously it wasn't meant to happen right now, hopefully in a few years. But, probably by then I won't be able to hold my own on the court anymore :)  nah I will... lol.
   Besides that I had a tremendous clinical experience last Thursday and Friday!! Thursday started out awful but ended sweet!! I was in surgery, which I actually love. I don't know if it was the nausious feeling I had before surgery, the fact I didn't eat breakfast, or that damn mask on my face feeling like a boaconstrictor around my body..... either way there I was standing there watching the nurses and surgeon do their thing. I kinda moved around a bit, kept flippin my mask to get a little more 02 to the face, but it started coming.... the really hot, sweaty, black around the edges feel.... oh shit I knew i had to get out of there. I ran to the locker room backroom and bam.... I was on the floor, I frickin blacked out!!! haha now I just told my teacher I got sick, but nope I was passed out on the backroom floor, with my scrub hat, mask, and uniform on....  ya i would laugh at me too lol. When I came around I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror, i looked like a ghost.  Using my best judgement I decided that I should not go back to surgery and risk passing out there and the dr and nurses trying to take care of me AND the pt..... so I left. I was so embarrassed, I just told everyone I got sick and had to leave to come up to the regular cardiac step down floor. whata lie. BUT some good DID come from this!!! I got to put a nasograstric tube down....yay!!! i know, only a real nurse would be so excited about sticking a tube down someones nose into their stomach!! But i was so excited because I just went in there, set up, donned gloves, measured, and did it..... it was awesome (of course the pt was amazing)  so for the rest of the day I was DR. Destiny, long story short all my classmates call me Dr. Destiny, because not only do I want to understand every single desease, interventions, outcomes, but I want to know the pathophysiology behind it, and the dr.s dx behind it..... thats just me. But I was so excited, I put my first NG tube down!!!! Do I feel like a Real Nurse now? umm kinda. My LAST clinicals are next thrusday and friday........ and i'm DONE!!! woot woot...... I signed up to continue my BSN this fall, I love learning about the human body and everything that goes with it, and I've almost learned about everything a Nurse would need to know, so why not continue. I (unlike a lot of people) actually enjoy leaning, studying, and proving myself to have obtained the knowledge. so 2 years I suppose until Destiny Dannells RN BSN.... but for now I'm still just focussing on Destiny Blake, RN! 
Until next time, peace, love, and NG tubes.
Destiny

All you need is love

Tonight I'm going to blog about someone who is constantly on my mind, he makes me strive to work hard to build a better future, he's caring, supportive, honest and sexy with dark eyes I get lost in  :)  Of course I'm talking about my fiance Devin. Its crazy what being in love can do to you..... really, 4 years ago, I was ready to leave flora, I was ready to run, live, and grow. I wanted to experience life on my own. But somewhere in that time period I met dev, we hung out, I fell head over heels for him. I was listening to music (i would never listen to) staying up until 4 am (when i woke up at 7 everyday) i stayed working at a place i hated (because he was the night manager) I chose to stay in Flora (because that's where he was).  No regrets whatsoever.  The night I told him I loved him felt so right :)  The night I agreed to marry him felt even better! I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with him. Ya i hear everyone say 'i'm marrying my best friend' shutup don't lie, most of you aren't. I would choose Devin and only Devin to see everyday for the rest of my life. I am honestly marrying my best friend, we can lay in bed for hours laughing and giggling like kids, we can tackle eachother in the morning as we are getting ready for work, throw a football around outside on a nice fall day, go to the gym and push eachother to do one more rep. He's my biggest fan and support system. All through nursing school, he's the one telling me that I can do it, I know this stuff, I of course don't believe him. So as one lasting impression he texts me before a test and says 'good luck you got this!' After a good test, bad test, good clinical day, or a day where I'm crying on the way home...... I know he's there waiting for me. Nothing can be too bad that seeing him dosen't relieve all the pressure from the day.  I was getting stressed and upset about the wedding details and cost, and I called him one night crying. I was so upset because I felt like I was letting the reason behind this wedding go unnoticed. I just want to marry him. We don't need a huge fancy wedding and reception to declare our love, no nothing at all. I would be happy just me and him and the judge at the courthouse, thats all we really needed. I felt like the real reason behind this mass of wedding jargis was getting lost. But Dev was there to reassure me that this is what we want to do, we want to have a huge party to celebrate the fact that we are finally married!! He said that not many people get the chance to celebrate that and we are going to, we are going to celebrate with eachother by our sides and our family and friends there. Not to mention a killer honeymoon suite waiting upstairs for us!!!! lol..... Its so funny thinking back about how both of us tried so hard to 'just be friends'....... that was the hardest thing I have every done!!! I was completely smitten with this boy!!! and he was so not my type! I was 17, he was 18, he had no intentions of finishing school, he had long hair (that my daddy DID NOT like), he drove an old beat up station wagon, he wore tight band tshirts and tight jeans........ lol just thinking about it all makes me laugh. He was so funny and we could stay up all night talking!!! (we still can)  And how much he has changed in the past 4 years..... he now has a degree in culinary arts, he is the dietary manager here in town, he is on the volunteer fire dept, his hair is cut, and he sold the wagon and bought a toyota tundra. But I would still take the 18 year old Devin any day, thats the man I fell in love with, but the man he is now will be the one I'm marrying and will one day raise kids with. He supports every dream I have, I want to one day coach volleyball, so he never has a problem with me giving up one of the few days we have off together to go spend it in the gym practicing. He is just the best. He is more than I could ever imagine. Even though my dad will deny it, when he looks at Devin he knows he is the one he wants to me be with forever.... he's told me so. The night Devin told my dad that he planned on asking me to marry him, my dad cried. Before I even realized I was in love with Devin my dad told me that when I'm with Devin I seem happier..... and of course I was! When I'm sick Devin is constantly checking on me lol, I came home one day he had the couch made up (I love sleeping on the couch when I'm sick)  the thermometer, medicine, cell phone charger, and a big glass of sprite......all on the table beside me, I've never felt to taken care of before. When he kisses me, really kisses me, I still get that happy dizzy/sleepy feeling that leaves my knees weak, or times when he does something as small as glancing in my direction and the mere glimpse sends my heart flipping worthy of love at first sight. Every love story is different, each begins and ends in its own unique way. The love stories that last the longest are sometimes the most thrilling, other times the most uneventful. Whatever it is that creates and recreates that precious bond we call love, I feel it and act it out in my own life every day, and feel deeply and strongly the warmth of its return from my dev.

I appreciate him for more reasons than I can list, and I tell him that as often as I think of one or several of them. I respect him more deeply than any other man on this planet, and I try to show that as well. I am comforted by him, and so I try to be his comfort. All in all, there aren't enough words to describe how I feel about Devin. All I know is the night he asked me to marry him, something felt so right and almost complete. And on  October 1, when we repeat our vows in front of our family, friends, and our god..... I know both our lives will be complete with eachother. Enough sappy love, I'm going to go crawl into bed my with good looking fiance....... ya its a sin.... haha oh well.

                                                                            Still smitten,  future Destiny Dannells.... hmm sounds good

Are you where your suppose to be?

I haven't been on here in a few days due to (not blaming) school, work, life, etc. But I'm on the couch with a few spare minutes to myself and i'm going to blog. I always ask myself if people are truly happy with their job or ehh its a job, don't like it but I do it. Or if people settle for a job because the money is good. Don't get me wrong the money is an essential point of loving my job, but it may be about 10% of the reason I stay. For one minute I don't feel bad for someone who hates their job, but they haven't looked for anything else. Life is what you make of it, do what you love, love what you do. I'm absolutely doing what I love. I would possibly love more stable hours but oh well, what breaks ya can only make ya stronger :) The point I was getting at is, yesterday at the gym a young woman came up to me, have never met her before, and just started talking to me.... Ok I'll listen. I found out she helps young teenage moms throughout their pregnancy. She helps them from finding insurance, WIC, what to expect, all the way to breastfeeding, and developmental milestones in the new baby's life. Sweet job right? Ya that's what I thought too until we kept talking. She had been married awhile and her and her husband tried, prayed, and tried again to have a baby. She said finally after 7months she was pregnant!! She and her husband were beyond thrilled. Then she said 3 months along they went in for an untrasound only to find out there was no circulation in the baby, no heartbeat, no movement, nothing. She said it was the lowest point ever, "why would god do this to me? why would he give me a baby that I've wanted so bad then take it away?" Needless to say she had a lot of questions, and still does.  I asked her if it irritated or saddened her to see teenage mothers come in who "had an accident". Some really don't want a baby, some don't plan on putting that baby's needs before their own. She smiled and said that she truly loves her job and decided that this pregnancy is what what suppose to happen to those young moms, it just wasn't suppose to happen to her. She didn't feel any negative feeling towards those young mom, nor envious of them. She simply was excited for them and wanted to be there to help and support them. She is an example of someone who truly loves their job and does it simply for that reason. She loved seeing the change in the new mom to be as they reach that point where they are excited about bringing this new baby into the world.  She said she just wanted a baby of their own so bad that they kept trying and praying, then she said she finally decided she isn't going to try anymore, they left it up to god. She quit planning, she quit counting days, she simply let it be. And apparently 'let it be' was all it took.  It took a while but a year and a half later she was pregnant. This time she gave birth to a healthy little boy, who she said "she couldn't imagine how much she could possibly love someone, until she met him." I loved talking to her and hearing her story. Who knew that just smiling at a total stranger can open up to a friendship. (She also said her husband  is always eyeing Devin's Tundra and wants one just like ours) lol.   You never know what each day will bring, accept it with an open heart. I did that day.
                                     Until then, Destiny

looking beyond march 1

Happy first day of March!! The sun is shining and the birds are chirping. I love mornings like this, too bad I'll be asleep soon. I worked night shift last night 10-8 so I had LOTS of time to think my thoughts...... something I thought about all night was my future, ugh its frustrating. Why can't we all just have directions? Ya know, graduate high school, move here, go to school, find a good man among the many you date, find a great job, get married, buy a house, start a good 401k plan, have babies, raise your babies right and pray they turn into successful people of society, retire. As you can tell, I like direction. Unfortunately for me, life dosen't have direction. I guess if it did it wouldn't leave much to the imagination. If we had direction I might have decided to play volleyball in college and move away. Ooops somewhere before that time I fell in love and decided to stay here with him. But thats a good thing about not having direction I suppose. I also never thought I would see myself going to school to become a nurse, which I feel is what I was meant to do. I'm sure theres a million things I was "meant" to do, but really when I'm taking care of somebody I know thus far I have made the right decisions. As I plan our wedding, I know right where I am is where I am suppose to be. Now sitting here watching my dogs tear up the house I could live without, LOL. But in 10 short weeks I graduate and will be sitting for my boards, then its for real grown up time. Am I ready to be <grownup>? Ready or not here I come. Then comes figuring out where I want to work, exactly what I want to do. OB, surgery, med/surg, ortho, office? This is where directions can appear in my planner and I would be perfectly content just following along......... Do I want to finish my BSN? And if so why? Is it because "socially" that's what you do? "Your young, you should keep on with school." Or do i want to finish my BSN because I see something further in my future that I want to achieve by furthing my education?  Your guess is as good as mine. Will Devin and I have as successful and loving marriage as we had a relationship the past 4 years? I would sure hope so, but I'm sure all the millions of people who have spent thousands in divorce court didn't think on their wedding day... "I can't wait to be sitting through a divorce 5 years from now."  If so they probably should have went to counseling from day one lol. Devin and I were watching a research documentary on the history channel one night. It stated that humans, like animals, were not meant to mate for life. They were meant to fall in love with someone who will have healthy productive children and be a good mate/spouse to raise them. After the kids are raised the love is ussually gone and its time to leave the monogomous relationship. REALLY?!?! thats optimistic!  Think about it..... you technically are NOT made to mate for life?! So are the people who are still "happily" married after 50 years really "happy"? Or just "settled" and "comfortable"? I'ld like to say 50 years from now when Devin walks in the room I still get butterflies. We aren't going to be a statistic nor fake, when I'm not with him he is all I think about. I guess 50 years from now I'll blog and let ya know how we are doing lol. Maybe we'll have 1 kid or 5 by then? Still living in Clay Co. ? Will I be working as an RN or maybe perhaps a nurse practitioner? Will I be content and happy with the life I lived and the decisions I made?  Maybe I don't want to know what the future holds, I do like surprises.....
                                Until tomorrow, stay classy,
                                                          destinyrachell

where to even begin...

sending balloons to Chance

I have no idea how your first blog should begin...... here is how mine will. My <future> sister in law started a blog and I thought that would be a great idea. I don't keep a jounal because most my thoughts I don't mind to be public, what do I have to hide? The past 2 weeks have been the most trying time of my faith I believe. A good friend of mine was just diagnosed with stage 5 leaukemia, aboslutely crazy to me. She would have graduated from nursing school in 2 months. I have been thinking and thinking about my own life, she is really young. I'm 22, I don't know if, when, or how something like that would happen to me or someone I care deeply about. Like I've heard time and time again, don't take life for granted, because <really> you don't know how much time you have here. That leads me to sad story number dos, another friend of mine from nursing school (ya I know, maybe I need to drop out? :) lol. But Miriam and her husband Mark found out there were expecting last summer, they were thrilled, as were we. A few months into pregnancy they found out that the baby was diagnosed with anencephaly. After it was confirmed she was given the toughest decision, terminate or not. They were both told that if the baby made it through birth that the infant might not live long or live with a debillitating condition. This was so tragic to them, but they felt like god gave them this baby for a reason, and that reason they were going to find out. They later found out the little baby was a boy, and they named that baby Chance. I've heard from numerous people "why would she keep the baby" "why would she put herself through that". I have no doubt that the decision they made was the best decision, I can't lie, at one point I wondered the same thing. But the day I held Chance I knew why they made that decision.... it was because not only was he a gift from god but he was an inspiration to all of us. He only lived for 20 min, but in that 20 min I saw how much love had accumulated for this little guy. I had a 9month relationship with him :) as did everyone else in that room that day. I feel like if you aren't capable of going through what Miriam did, then you aren't ready to possibly love a child as much as they should be loved. They had hope of bringing him home, but they also knew that the statistics were playing against them. I learned so much that week, I can't even possibly begin to explain my view change of so many things. I know that one day Miriam and Chance will meet again and when that time comes, he will be a perfect little angel she had always dreamt of holding since that day....... RIP Chance Young feb 18 2011