still lost as ever!?

So I have officially been signing my name with an RN behind it for a month now. wowwzers! I know its going to take me a while to feel comfortable with my job.... but I feel as if it will take me years.....and years. I do feel comfortable with my pt interaction and assessments. And I've done a million pushes so I've got that down finally. I set up the IV pump by myself for the first time last night!!! yay! another small accomplishment haha. Ya basically unless your in the healthcare fielt this post will officially be boring to you! :) But setting up and IV pump is a big deal, hah I use to be scared of IV pumps. I know 10 years from now I will look back at this and laugh probably literally out loud! Everything is so new and exciting to me! One think I will probably never get use to nor like? {talking to doctors} why? its not like their god! haha but for real when they call me or come up to me and ask me a question my mind goes blank..... ughh blha ughh grrr hmmm..... for real every dr. has got to think I have mental problems. Which is so weird because every dr. I have met has been super nice and friendly.... and you can tell they appreciate their nurses.... maybe in a few years i'll be able to talk to a dr without breaking a sweat. (until then..... "Destiny what was patient so and so labs from this am?" unmmmm ughhh hmmmm that will be my answer haha!!!)
              I've been officially hating not getting home til so late. leaving work at 12 and getting home about 1ish.... devin tries to stay awake and wait for me but ussually he falls asleep on the couch lol. But the good thing? I get paid more working evening whhooop whooop. $ definately is not everything but its very important right now paying off bills, student loans, saving for wedding, saving for house...... sadly enough its a huge part of our life right now. I also get every other weekend off so I'm hoping Devin and I can get some fun trip in this summer/fall {a few ideas on our list are} of course a couple cardinals games and spending the days in St. Louis.... we love the city so much, I could just walk around all day, its so fascinating to me!!! We would like to do a weekend camping trip this fall when it cools off a bit, maybe nashville for a weekend, holiday world, and fishing trips. More than likely if we go to nashville it will be with the brother and sister in law haha and thats if I can drag devin's butt out to listen to country music all night :) But whatever we do I'm super excited and who knows maybe as the weekend approaches we'll just want to chill on the couch, cookout, and swim all weekend that's ussually how we roll :) But thats my random thoughts for the day!
    BTW 72 days until the wedding....... seems unreal

shiftwork

So I basically haven't had time to do anything other than the "things" that need done on a daily basis. And I realized that I really missed my blog :) I've been so lame falling asleep on the couch at 9 then devin waking me up to go to bed at 11... waking up at 5 for work.... driving 45 minutes to work.....working until 1530.... driving home....doing the homey things (dishes laundry dinner relax on the couch with my boo) ugh thats exhausting to even think about doing it again tomorrow... oh well ready or not {i'm officially a grownup} ugh when did this happen. And less than 3 months from now I'll be married {hopefully} a year from now we'll be considering starting a family....WHOA SLOW DOWN! can I be 17 again?! yeah didn't think so.
        On the bright side of things, I absolutely love my job. The day honestly flies by, I'm constantly busy.... and I {unlike most} love to stay busy. Don't get me wrong when it comes time for my lunch break I'm realieved bc I'm exhausted but then the afternoon goes just as fast! yay! And..... I PUT IN MY FIRST IV THIS WEEK! you don't understand unless your a nurse..... it was amazing. I was so proud of myself!!! I have learned so much the past 2 weeks it makes me wonder what in the world I learned in school?! lol it sure felt like a lot then but no I am definately in information overload. And my favorite thing I've done thus far? IV pushes of course!! I'm such a new nurse nerd! I'm gonna look back on this 10 years from now and laugh.... actually hopefully 10 years from now I still LOVE IV pushes!! :) I hope that nothing I'm learning now ever gets to feeling {old} even though I know it probably will. The new feeling never lasts.... but everyday is so exciting and new, and thats what nursing is about so hopefully it keeps me interested for years to come!
         On the wedding ordeal.... bridal shower is set, bachelorette party is set, bouqets are done, centerpieces done, guestbook done, banner pennets done, cake ordered, dj paid, videographer booked, photographer booked, rings ordered and sized.....etc.... wow I'm glad i gave myself a year and a half to do this!!! I know I'm going to miss it when its over but for the time being all that is on my mine is {elope} haha!!!
          Well I will most definately blog about my wonderful day tomorrow but for now its almost my bedtime I am physically and mentally exhausted... and I love it!
      So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
    Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu~~~ bid you farewell with a little sound of music.

feeling a bit overwhelmed

Hi I'm Destiny and I feel like I'm in over my head. First off today was my official day as an RN on the floor.... let me tell you the thought has crossed my mind many times today "what the hell did I get myself into?!?" I've never felt so lost in my entire life. I think i even made the comment "I wish I could fastforward a year from now" but I really dont, time goes to fast anyhow. But today was constant, orders, meds, dr calls, assessments, discharges.... but really what did I expect? To sit behind a desk and answer calls? No, I definately signed up for this chaotic, busy, wonderfully rewarding job. I know a year from now I will be laughing because I know I'm going to love it.... but right now I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. And another thing... I spend 5 minutes trying to decipher a doctors orders and signature.... for real thats a bit ridic. But honestly walking into the hospital with my scrubs, stethoscope, and RN badge I felt pretty proud of myself. I hope I become the nurse I want to and leave an impression on anyone I come in contact with.
~~~ Another few things adding to this chaotic year? I'm 'attempting' to finish my BSN. So I get 2 nights off a week and one of those nights I will spend 6 hours in a classroom to get credits towards my bachelors degree in which I have no idea what I will do with.... But hi I'm Destiny and I don't know when and where to stop? I love learning and I feel that I'm not done learning... I just hope all this education puts me exactly where I am suppose to be.
~~~~chaos # 3.... I'm getting married in october one of my best friends is getting married 2 weeks after me... that means twice the bridal showers, twice the bachelorette parties, and twice the worry..... enough said
~~~~# 4 We went and looked at the first of I'm sure MANY houses today. So we came home looked more up, figured up our finances, what we can afford, yet still looking at what we can't afford.... terrific. The house we looked at today was absolutely adorable.... and smelt absolutely awful! This couple had dogs.... dogs peed on hardwood floor, water soaked through hardwood floor, soaked onto padding under flooring... you guessed it.... smelt like wet dog. But with a little TLC it would be super wonderful and yummy smelling.... BUT I'm worried I won't have the TLC to give for the next couple years and we would get wet smelling dog smell soaked in our pores.  Heres a small glimpse of my mind tonight. I'm going to gorge on brownies now before heading to bed because I have to be up at 5 to play RN again.
Hi my names destiny.... I need meds

curly fries and heart attack

Happy 4th of July!!! My glorious day started off  with watching my beautiful niece in the all american boy girl contest. She didn't win because she doesnt like to talk much to the judges (she gets that from aunt d) no worries, mace,y in a short decade you'll talk too, much people will wish you'ld shutit :) one of my fabulous traits! But after the contest I went home to curl up on the couch with Devin for a fantastic monday nap.... ahhh these are the days we will miss when we one day have children!!! (thats a different blog)
I'm at work now until 7 then off to the park for Flora's fireworks.... its not as spectacular as I make it sound but hey its my hometown fireworks. Last night we went to rend lake for their fireworks with my momma and sister, then found out they were cancelled. So we drove another hour in opposite direction for another firework display. It was well worth the 3.62$ gallon gas we 'wasted'. I loved watching the fireworks with devin and my mom... it reminds me of watching them when I was little.
~~~ We use to grill hot dogs and wrap them up and take them to the park with us (because my parents couldn't afford to buy 2 hot dogs each for 4 kids) completely understandable. We would pick the perfect spot {no trees above up and flat ground} and we would eat hot dogs and light sparklers until dusk.... [perfect memories] Those are the memories that I will never forget. We would finaly get so full from hot dogs and freshly cut watermelon and lay on the blankets until the fireworks started <3 ~~~~
My plan for 4th of july 2011 is a little different, I will be spending some QT time with the bff stevi, we gotta chow down on some 'cowboy fries' these are homemade curly fires covered in cheese, italian beef, and jalepeno peppers mmm I'l let ya know how they are. I'm 100% sure they'll be fabulous!  Then we will find my brother, abra, and his little girl macey and enjoy the fireworks laying on our blankets. At least some things never change.
Happy 4th of July!! Enjoy your family and friends because no 4th will ever be the same.

here comes the storm.

Right now as I 'type' I'm sitting at home by myself staring out the window at the storm rolling in [possibly] ruining fireworks tonight...but thats beside the point. Umm I don't know about anyone else but some couple fight... like a lot... like more than I could put energy into. Devin and I do no fight. really never have. hopefully never actually will. Seriously I've wondered "is this normal" like I've always seen everyone fight. my couple friends. my parents. couples on TV. Is it normal that when we don't agree we just agree to disagree and we're over it? Like for instance.... our 'big blowup' for the day was this....and the story goes......
~~~~ Last night we went and met some friends for pizza at a place we've never eaten before.... OMG the pizza was amazing {joes pizza} and all I talked about last night was how good the pizza was and YES we have half leftover to eat 'tomorrow' for lunch. And anyone who knows me k nows I L.O.V.E. pizza <3 So unsurprisingly it was on my mind all morning... laying in the pool thinkin man when I get out I'm gonna have some of that pizza for lunch.... I seriously like couldn't wait.... (does that mean I have a problem) lol
~~~~So I come home change and mentally prepare myself for this amazing chicago pizza, so I run in the living room and ask dev if he wants me to warm up a couple pieces for him {super sweet of me huh?} The look he shot me made me instantly know..... GRRRR  
Devin: "hah sweet of ya but I finished the pizza already"
Me: "you what??!?!?" mean face "dude you couldn't have asked me if I wanted any at all YOU just finish all the pizza YOURSELF?!?" I didn't tell him I had been thinking of that damn pizza all day!
So I go in the kitchen decide I'll made a lean pocket (pizza flavored)
~~~{none left}  BUT allll of devins hot pockets are left (side note: I buy devin hot pockets and myself lean pockets... lower cals lower carbs you know the game... BUT for some reason he prefers to grab my lean pockets instead of his carb loaded hot pockets) so totally makes sense right.... that all my lean pockets are gone.
~~ I was fuming. Basically Devin left because he didn't see why I was so angry about the situation. I sit and cry because its stupid... seriously I was going to eat this chicago pizza full of fat and carbs but when that was gone I wanted a lean pocket? duh! (do you see the sense in that) ya me either....
~~~~ All in all if thats the worst fight we have I'll take it~~~~
 So right now I'm eating HIS BBQ chicken hot pocket watching the storm waiting for Devin to come home.... lesson learned: next time we have leftover pizza.... I'm hiding my share.

the evidence:empty box

PS. Dev just text me and said he was sorry for eating all the pizza and my lean pockets and not refurnishing the supply... I love him.

And that my friends was the worst fight of the century.... lol

so imperfect, yet so beautiful

I'm just going to assume everybody reading this isn't a damn size2.... I don't know about anyone else but going from high school short shorts and low cut jeans to age 22 jeans and wanting to pull them up a little higher (ya know so that you can hide a little more buldge that way RIGHT?!)  I went from playing in a full spandex uniform in high school to swearing I would never even lay my hands on anything spandex... seriously you can't hide anything in spandex.... every roll, every dimple, every scar shows... who invented spandex? he had probably already been killed.
It makes me sick watching TV... because don't lie, you like me compare yourself to EVERYONE....
~hmmm I wonder if my legs look that awful in shorts?
~ damn do my boobs show that much cleavage in a low cut shirt?
~ ugh do I look like that in my skinny jeans?
yes yes yes. man I swore I would never wear skinny jeans... now their my favorite! like I tell people I have the perfect hourglass shape.... except I have a little more sand in the bottom of my hourglass :)
Everyone is self concious, I use to never ever mention it. But after talking to friends, coworkers, family.... I'm not the only one. Wouldn't it be nice to just put something on and just feel like you look sexy? Ya maybe if I got dressed drunk.
I honestly believe our society has given the female body a bad image. I love seeing a woman whos a size 12 and is absolutely beautiful. I believe a woman should have soft curves.... not flat ripped abs... not defined arms....not huge defined legs.  And since society has given way to how a woman's body should look like, it seems almost unrealistic to be "beautiful".  I just pray that if I ever end up with a teenage girl I can make sure she knows shes beautiful, and that it is very important to eat healthy and to be active and exercise but that always doesn't show on the outside. I know when I wake up in my morning I'm going to have thighs that touch, a stomach that doesn't feel like a brick, and a chin that might look like a double chin when I laugh really hard with my girlfriends.
Drives me crazy when I'm at the gym working my ass off and I look over at a skinny little girl who might make it to the gym once a week to do her 'god awful' workout of walking 5 minutes and doing crunches! for real?!?! sometimes i want to go over and crank their treadmill up to about 15... there now your working your ass off how does it feel? oh no did you sweat!!! you poor thing! you might actually have to shower after leaving the gym.... haha
Shopping and I have a love/hate relationship. I love finding clothes that fit and look too darn cute to pass up. But I HATE when I grab the size I ussually wear, take it into the dressing room, then can't get it over my shoulder, boobs, hips, etc.... WHAT?! shouldn't sizes be universal to prevent mini breakdowns in dressing rooms worldwide?!? that incidence right there ussually ruins a shopping trip... thats why now I've started grabbing bigger sizes...yeah thats right I grab at least 2 sizes bigger than what I think I am then I feel good when I put it on and its huge YAY (pretty pathetic huh?) lol but it really sucks when that size too big acctually turns out being the perfect size...perfect......
But at the end of the day.... Devin will love me no matter what. I could gain 20 lbs, loose 20 lbs, and he will still find me incredibly beautiful just like he always has. And they say guys are dumb?! :)